Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

(770): View more from Georgia

I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

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(908): View more from New Jersey

My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.

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(408): View more from California

No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.

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(913): View more from Kansas

This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.

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(602): View more from Arizona

hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up

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(515): View more from Iowa

He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.

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