2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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