I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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