She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
