what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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