She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
