I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Vodka?
Forever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
