Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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