i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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