I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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