I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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