saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize