This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
