I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
