she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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