I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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