Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize