How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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