just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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