it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
