i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
