this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
