Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize