WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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