If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
