i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
