Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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