dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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