I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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