I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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