I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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