We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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