Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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