I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
