I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
