apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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