It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
