everyone is single if you try hard enough
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
