I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
