just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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