We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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