If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
