Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
