Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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