Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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