It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
