You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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