Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
