we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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