So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize