she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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