Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
