So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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