dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
