I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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