I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
