Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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