My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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