my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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