My room smells like vodka and shame
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm always down for nudity.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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