Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize