just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
