I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
