im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
