I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
